A Healthy, Pretty Dupe of That Gross Monstrosity from Starbucks

I got this idea from one of my soul sisters, Haley (who needs to start her own blog so we can do this fun hobby together), when she sent me a picture of her healthy smoothie version of the abomination that Starbucks recently released, the Unicorn Frappuchino.

I never tried the Unicorn Crappuchino Frappuchino. I had a suspicion from the start that it was going to be disgusting and I was honestly really annoyed at Starbucks for the whole thing. Let’s be real: I understand that nowadays social media and aesthetics are becoming a huge part of the food industry. Places are adjusting their business strategies around Instagram and with good reason because I often #doitfortheinsta. But for a coffee chain to generate something that was so obviously made solely for social media hype, and to clearly disregard the quality of the product in the process (I heard it was naaasty) is just kind of pathetic. I mean…there wasn’t even a hint of coffee in the whole thing. So I kind of boycotted the whole thing for a while.

But, I guess you can’t deny that the heinous crime against nature (too much?) was pretty. And when Hales sent me her healthy version I realized that it was possible to enjoy a fun unicorn-themed beverage without immediately falling into a diabetic coma. SO. I made my own. Details below!

Btw, unicorn/mermaid/rainbow-themed foods are all the rage in Los Angeles and this little piece about that made me L.O.L. I can be basic AF so I don’t totally hate most Insta-food trends…but I do realize how ridiculous it all is. Us God-damn millennials are ruining the world. πŸ™‚

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The whole thing has three separate layers consisting of two separate smoothie recipes and one chia pudding recipe. That might sound really complicated but it’s not. The whole thing takes like 5 minutes to assemble (if you don’t count the sit time for the chia).

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The first step is to start with the chia layer. In whatever cup you want to eventually drink your smoothie out of, combine 1 cup almond milk with 3 tablespoons of chia seeds. Mix, cover, and let sit overnight.

The next morning when you’re ready to sip the rainbow, get the blender out and combine some frozen fruit (mangos or peaches are my fav), 1/2 a room-temp banana, 1 frozen pitaya pack, protein powder, and a splash of milk. Blend well, pour into separate container and set aside for a sec. That’s your pink layer.

Then use the other half of the banana, a splash of milk, 1/4th teaspoon of spirulina powder, and a handful of greens. Blend until smooth.

Alternate pouring the two layers into your glass over the chia seeds. Mixing it will make it look really cool, because the layers blend together. If you’re badass like me, make a cute heart on top.

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And finally, grab a golden straw (which looks sorta like a horn, no?) and enjoy.